Lately, a couple of things have come up and smacked me in the face to make realize how different I am. I was talking to my girl on the phone Sunday night (she's in town for Spring Break btw.. but we still haven't seen each other.) and we got on the oh-so-famous topic of how I find friends. We've talked about this several times. She told me about this male dancer who she goes to school with. She told me a story of how a group of jock guys were playing football (or a sport of some kind..?) outside. Well, this male dancer flat out told them and joked around saying "I can't catch, straight up." and was funny about it. They called him a fag and told him to get away from them. She then told me how he walked up to them and said "Yep. I'm a fag. So what." and started naming off all these girls he has slept with and joking about himself. In the end, the jocks ended up letting him in the game and started being his friend. OKAY. Yes, this male dancer stood up to them, but I couldn't do what he did. I couldn't go through putting myself down infront of a judgmental group to prove to them I'm a cool straight guy to get them to be my friend. I hold friendships so closely that in order to find a friend, they have to be able to accept me for what I do and what I love. I dance, sing, and act. It's hard finding guy friends. Most guys are embarrassed to be my friend and some of them are scared that people will assume their gay because they're hanging out with "that dancer guy" (who has probably been laid more than most guys in his class.. just sayin.). It sucks, big time, but finding a group of friends to do stereotypical high school stuff with isn't my main concern. I want to get out, live the dream. I want to start dancing and performing in college. I want to start my path in life. I want to make it.
Also, the other night in the studio we were all talking about college. And it wasn't the hopeful attitude everyone had two years ago when we talked about college. It seemed everyone saw the community college as their option. While I think it is a remarkable thing to be able to go to a community college and get credit towards college and get financial aid- that isn't for me... at all. I can't stay here two more years after high school. My career is taking me out of here, I want New York. I want it so bad I can't put my life on pause in order to get there. I want to work my ass off, I am working my ass off. I'm not going to become a doctor, accountant, school teacher, or lawyer. I'm going to be a performer- dancer, singer, actor. Once August 2012 hits, I'm outta here. Don't get me wrong, I plan to learn as much as I can while I'm here.
from that dancer guy to you,
Tony
" I want to work my ass off, I am working my ass off."
ReplyDeleteWERK <3
<3bria
that's not what i said at all! hahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteSorry to reveal myself, haha, but I said he did pirouettes. And his friends looked at him and were like "get out of hereeeee" jokingly. and then he kept dancing around as a joke, but in a talented kind of way, and then his friends joined him and playfully danced with him. Then, they all hugged laughed and continued to play football. :)
ReplyDeletesorry tone. I had to this time :)
changing what you said to make me look like a dumbass? awesome. i remember our conversation vividly. "and then his friends joined with him playfully danced with him.." that's nothing what you said. and "i had to this time".. thanks for making me look delusional.
ReplyDeleteand this isn't what my blog is for. as much as i appreciate your "okay everybody don't listen to tony, he doesn't know what he's talking about. anything he's ever said about me isn't true." i dont want it here. don't comment on my blog.
ReplyDelete