midnight

It's midnight.

And the World Turned by The Gabe Dixon Band, this song has been on replay.

In a nutshell: I've seen my girl quite a bit. Alternative music has been the soundtrack of my life, more than ever. And lastly, my dreams have been getting bigger.

The other night felt like a romantic comedy. Early in the day, me and my girl went to see a show together. Her mother was there. Her mother told me to stop by on Christmas. My girl said shortly after with a grin "life has a funny way of playing out."  I'm still deciphering that. I, as per usual, went to the studio for a couple hours and then bargained with my parents for a few hours to spend with my girl. I had until 10PM. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing. We drove around aimlessly. We talked like friends, friends who were lovers. If there is a word for that, I can't think of it now. I searched for a place where I could park my car. Anywhere, I just wanted to stop driving. I wanted to just stop and look at her, take in who she is now. We found a lot to park in downtown. Wet brick covered the walls around us. My car was lit by yellow light coming from a lamp post. I sat my seat back, she looked at me. She gave me a look that I've seen a million and one times. It was her "boy, what on earth are you doing?" and still smile look she would always give me. A couple minutes past and she laid back her seat. We laid there and talked to each other, what about is lost in my memory bank. A strange man started to approach my car, it freaked both of us out. I couldn't get my seat up, so I drove away as fast as I could with it still down. I looked ridiculous. She didn't mind though. It didn't phase her. We drove around some more and then I offered to take her into Hotel Roanoke to look at the Christmas trees. She told me that she had never done that before. I responded "Well, there's a first time for everything."  and we exchanged smiles. It was freezing outside, with traces of snow on the ground. It was strange to see her walking by herself. It was harsh outside, every part of me wanted to take her hand. I didn't know how she would feel about that. I opened that door for her and as we walked inside her face lit up, mostly because of the warmth. I stood there looking at her. She started towards a tree, I followed. As we were looking at the trees, we saw couples with each other. I know I noticed, I'm not sure if she did. I wanted to glue myself to her. She's a free spirit, she doesn't like that when she doesn't want it. What she wants is between her and God. No one will ever be able to truly read her, she's different. Special. So as we were roaming through the gorgeous hotel, we stumbled across an empty ballroom. This ballroom was the size of a high school gymnasium, maybe bigger. All the lights were off, only a few lights hit the dance floor. The stage was lit. Chairs were stacked and tables pushed into each other. I walked towards the dance floor. She followed me this time. We acted like children on the run from Mom and Dad. I started to tap dance on the dance floor, she laughed and started banging her feet. She was wearing shoes with heels. She kept hitting her heels on the wooden floor. I told her to cut it out because someone would hear us. She laughed and kept doing it. I tried to be serious, but that wasn't working at all. I would try and step on her feet to make her stop. Every time I stepped she would step back, our bodies kept getting closer. It was a game of cat and mouse. I gave up. There was no beating her. We both laughed. She headed off the floor, I stopped. I asked "Would you like to dance?". She replied with "What?" I said "Would you like to dance with me?" She nodded yes. She walked slowly towards me. I noticed she looked like a woman. Her hair was longer. She lipstick was a darker red. She wasn't a girl anymore, she was a young woman. I felt older standing there too. I didn't feel like the young boy she fell in love with. I took my hand and slid them to the small of her back. She wrapped her hands around my neck and rested her forehead on my chest. I could smell her hair. We started to dance, no music. Only us. I could feel my girl digging her face deeper into my chest. I asked "Do you come here often?" she said "yes, all the time." I said "Really? I dance up on that stage for everyone every night, and I haven't seen you here one time." she answered back "Are you smelling my hair?" We both started laughing, once again. I told her. "All I know, is that my face is buried into you, and your head is resting on me." She smirked at my wit. We continued to dance, then we heard a noise come from one of the doors on the other side of the ballroom. We broke apart and stared at each other and ran out of the ballroom like children being caught stealing candy. No one ever caught us. Thank God. My grandma was watching over us. It's been a year since she died. I thank her everyday for watching over me and my family. As soon as me and my girl rushed out of the ballroom, we had a huge sigh of relief, relieved that we weren't caught. I put myself up against the wall, and gave her the look I gave her after we would make love. My ah, that was a beautiful moment face. I don't know if she caught on, but that's the look I gave her. I drove her home. Before she got out of the car, I was so incredibly selfish and foolish. I sat there wanting a kiss, she knew too. My girl doesn't want to hurt me. She wouldn't kiss me. When she goes back to school, we aren't seeing each other for a very long time. She doesn't want to lift me up and then drop me. She doesn't want me falling again. She said, "Trying to be friends isn't working." I told her, "No. No it isn't." The night shortly ended.
I've always told her no matter what.
I know our story isn't over. We'll share something beautiful together again, some time in the future. Whether it's next month, next year, or 5 years from now; it'll happen no matter what.

from that dancer guy to you,
Tony