For good

I found this music to be the best portrayal of my attitude when writing this post :)

I hate saying goodbye. It's a problem. But if you think about it, if I didn't hate goodbyes that would mean I would have never loved the thing I'm saying goodbye to. I put out alot of love. I put love out to everything. You have to say goodbye to everything eventually. So it always hurts for me to say goodbye.

Alot of stuff happened this past year. Lots of firsts. Really.

I got my license, signed with an agent, got my first job dancing in New York, lost my virginity, swam in a lake for the first time, found love, got dance advice from Brandon Bryant (yes bitches, runner up on SYTYCD to Jeanine Mason), went to prom, got busted by the cops, had my first run in with alcohol, took a shower with someone other than myself, saw my grandparents on my Dad's side for the first time in forever..the list goes on.

Looking back, those things were substantial events over the past year. They aren't the one's that count in here though. I'm pointing to where my heart is, just so you know. Over this past year, Ive grown as person. Blah Blah same old shit you hear, right? I walked into 2010 a fresh lover, I leave it now with what feels like a life time long love under my belt. 2010 was the year of me and my girl. We welcomed the year together as young and passionate lovers. We spent twelve beautiful months with each other. We'll always be a part of each other's lives, what we'll be towards each other is only known by God. If it's one thing I've thoroughly understood over the past year is the show must go on. As much as I wished life could stop when my girl told me we couldn't be together, real life was still moving. I couldn't stop the show. And if it's one thing I can parallel to my life is my life as a performer. I was not about to let my showstopping duet with my girl being cut from the show stop my life from moving to the next number in the line up. For a while, I wanted to take a break from the show. But the thing is, in real life there isn't an understudy waiting in the wings. It's just me. So I picked myself up, and am currently picking myself up, and told my self that I'm going to take this and bring it with me to every musical number I've got left before I end this life long show I've got going. SO, what I've learned over the past year with my girl will be a part me for the rest of my life. You can't list facts or anything formal you learn from your first real love. You just walk away with a knowledge and a feeling of what it's like to completely throw yourself into someone with no looking back. You do alot of growing as a person once being through a long term and honest relationship. [Side Note: When I say honest relationship, I don't mean telling the truth. I'm talking about sharing an honest love with another person. A love where you're completely yourself with someone. A bond between two people where they're share what they feel, that being love. Nothing forced, and nothing hidden- just love. That's what I mean by an honest relationship. And that's what me and my girl had with each other; an honest love.] I walked away with an experience that can't fully be put into words, and that is the fact that reassures me that I lived 2010 to the best of my ability. It's remarkable when God puts people into our lives to change us for the better. Like the song from Wicked when the two witches see each other for the last time, "Who can say if I've been changed for the better? Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

I told my girl the other night, "I want to change the world one day. I just want to make an impact while I'm here." I want to carry that out into the new year, and for the years after that. Even if it's sitting down and helping a close friend with a problem or inspiring a group of people to live life with a little more happiness after I give a performance. That's my ultimate resolution. My life resolution.

It's 2010! 2011!

Happy New Year from that dancer guy to you,
tony