I've been fortunate enough to experience one of the most beautiful kinds of love out there, young love. God, it was beautiful. I remember the warm and sunny summer days; the cold nights standing outside her car after our night was done. I miss her. I really do. I miss our love. I don't know if she loves the young man she is with now, but I do know she doesn't love him how she loved me. I'm not saying that with a narcissist attitude. No love is the same. It's different from person to person, from relationship to relationship. I selfishly hope the love she shared with me remains the strongest in her heart. But how far can hoping get you? I still believe to this day our story is movie worthy. Maybe one day if I get rich and famous I'll produce a movie portraying our lives together. We'll see.
This past weekend was terrible. To make a long story short- tables were turned amongst my best group of friends. I had no one to run to. I texted my girl and told her "I need to talk to you. It's bad." she said, "...but why right now?", I told her, "because I need you now.". I didn't hear anything from her all night. She was busy. But still, it hurt. Anyways, I woke up this morning feeling completely alone without a friend in the world. I went to CPA (the performing arts program I go to every morning before school) and saw all of my friends and all I could think about were the pointless lies that were floating around over the weekend about me. I thought to myself "they're my friends, why is this happening?". I felt betrayed and alone. So I left. I drove to the top of Bent Mountain to clear my mind. As soon as I found a spot at the very top to look over the valley, I got out and sat on the roof of my car. It was just when the sun was rising and hitting the green hills below and all I thought was "Why didn't me and my girl ever come up here?" It's so beautiful and peaceful up there. I texted my girl and told her how breath taking it was. I also left her a voicemail, being upset. She told me I sounded drunk in the voicemail. We both laughed about it. It was nice to laugh. It felt good and natural, not forced. While I was up there a few things hit me. I realized if I start living for myself and not living to find the perfect girl, in turn the perfect girl will come to me and find me along the way. Whether it's my girl or someone else. It will happen. I thought about how I concentrated I am on getting ahead that I'm losing focus on what's around me. I need to stop searching for love and love what's right in front of me. We all need to love the now, because it's only here for one moment and then it's gone. If we, and I, live that way- life will seem more fulfilling.
from that dancer guy to you,
Tony
p.s. Happy Valentines Day, I'd give you all a heart-shaped box of chocolates if I could.
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